Follow These Steps To Have Good Relationship With Father

As you look at your relationship with your parents today, how would you describe it?

Is it a state you're pleased with? Would you rate it 10/10? Can it be one where you're say"this is the finest, most perfect state I can ever be together with my parents"?

A number of you have tried multiple times to fix things, but with little success. A number of you are frustrated with in which the relationship is heading. A number of you confront trouble communicating with your parents, even though theoretically it should not be the case as you talk the same language.

I'd like to thank you all for sharing your stories so publicly. Whatever the issue you're facing with your own parents today, I'd love to let you know that you are not alone in the problem. I fought within my relationship with my parents for one and a half decade. In this age, I faced multiple challenges before I was finally able to achieve resolution in this area.

Challenges in Enhancing Parent-Child Relationships

Relationships are the hardest goals to utilize, because they involve another party. This adds a whole new dynamic, in comparison to targets like make $X income or lose X weight, which can be more static and linear.

Especially parent-child relationships -- they are even harder because of the following reasons:

Years of baggage. Contrary to other relationships in which you start from a clean slate, together with parent-child relationships, you have bags built up from youthful. This weighs down the relationship. Instead of work toward the vision, sometimes you might want to work through the baggage first, which makes the goal bigger than it already is. Additionally this baggage may house subconscious triggers which make you behave out of character around your parents, which makes it even more difficult to work on the goal .

Non-reciprocation. While deep down you might choose to increase your relationship with your parents, your parents might not have that aim. They may well be okay with the way the connection is now. This makes it near impossible to improve the circumstance, because effort is demanded both ways to make things operate. What's your ideal for your relationship with your parents? For them to be more powerful mentor figures? To be open in communication? To be more emotionally expressive? To be good friends with one another? Whatever it is, they might not share the exact same ideal. If that is true, if expectations are already distinct in the on-start, conflict is inevitable.

Generation gap. Being brought up in various generations produce deep-seated implications, from differences in communication style, mindset, world perspectives, philosophy on life, manner of expressing love, and so on. With my parents, our generation gap produced a very deep chasm that left it near impossible us to convey, until once I arrived to my revelations.

Different personality types. With my mom, she can be extremely stubborn, opinionated, as well as difficult. With my dad, he's very quiet and inexpressive. Our personalities don't gel in any way, and this made it quite hard for me personally when I was attempting to work through the relationship in the beginning.

How to Improve Your Relationship with Parents

Watch it as a travel

The very first thing I want to point out is that improving your relationship with your parents is not a"trace X-step and Y-step, then you can see results right away" goal. In fact, you may not even see any changes for a while for this matter. To improve your relationship with your parents is an ongoing, work-in-process target -- an end stage doesn't exist.

While I was working on my own relationship with my buddy previously, one of my greatest challenges was that my efforts frequently seemed futile. As an example, once I tried to strike up a conversation with my parents, they were not receptive. There was a period a couple of decades back when I went all out to draw us nearer, which makes enormous steps (in my opinion) like hugging them and writing cards to tell them how much I loved them and loved them for bringing me up.

The answer ranged from weak to negative. Together with the hugging, my mother violently pushed me away as I said in Part-2: A Pervasive, Widening Gap, much to my shock and horror. My father didn't return the hug. With the cards, there was no direct response from my dad or mother. Together with the conversation attempts, my mom would snap back and ask me why I was asking so many questions, while my dad would give his typical mono-syllabic responses. If fathers day is near you can gift father a special gift .

There was a point once I needed to rearrange the design in the kitchen because we had an embarrassing dining room layout that prevented the family from getting meals together. We'd constantly be dining separately -- my brother and me in our own rooms, my mom in the kitchen, along with my dad in the living room. However when I suggested the idea, my mom would vehemently rejected it (because she hated alter ); and when I went ahead and did it anyway, she lost her temper and shifted back everything.

That was when I realized my own relationship with my parents was not one that could be repaired overnight. We are not talking about fixing a one time conflict. We are talking about fixing a lifetime of disagreements, miscommunication, conflicts, and mistakes.

To think that I could solve all past grievances with only a few"fine" actions was unbelievably naive on my part. Even though I did muster a great deal of strength to initiate the hugs and write/give them the cards, these activities alone were not sufficient to mend the gap.

If I switched to their view, their (lack of) response at that time was completely clear. Imagine -- Up until that point, our interactions had been abrasive, normally from me . Therefore for me to become fuzzy and warm toward them it was no wonder they had been unsure of how to act. They'd probably formed a tough shell all of these years to protect themselves from further hurt. They probably believed my niceness was a fluke; a randomity; this things would return to the way they were the following day, and I'd be abrasive toward them again.

It was then my responsibility to inform them that things were really different, that I had grown into another person, and I was serious about improving our relationship. How? Not through saying itthrough consistent work. Through continual effort on my part, they slowly became more receptive for my activities. There are also some unique gift ideas available on internet that you will definitely love .

Remember that these things take time. The rebuilding of confidence is a delicate process.

If you would like to increase your relationship with your parents, get ready to commit to this as a journey, and not some X step, X thing you execute in 1 week or a month. Let them know you are truly sincere in changing the circumstance. Let them know that you are not just doing this as a one-off fluke. Anticipate negativity in their reactions at first, as your altered behavior is probably new to them and they're trying to correct.